Oh Yeah..!!!

Today's post is gonna be a combination of the past few weeks I passed so far..
Arggghh..
Now I talk about the first thing that came to my mind..
Mum scolded me this morning..
haihhhhh...damn it...wth..!!!
just really feel like scolding and smashing pple..
crazy..she never said thanks whenever I did something right..
Only scold me for the wrong..Hellowwwww..I will always reply whenever a msg is received even if it is not my phoneee...But I was damn busy yesterday...I have so many things to do..I don't even have the time to hold my own phone rather..Can you imagine....She just scold and scold..Saying that I know it's not your job,but at laest you should help me reply the msg..Blablabla..Then what I get when I answer lots of phone calls,you didn't say a thing either..crazyyyy...She keep on repeating saying that even though it's not my job even though it's not my job..blablablabla..This Shuang Hor thing is giving me a headache...
Can you just believe it!!!We already send an email over..So I don't think there is a need for me to reply..More over I'm BUSYYYYYYYY!!!haiyaaaaaa...I hate it hate it hate it...Notify them?..Unnecessary..!!!Im busy..damn busyyyyyy..And that damn Rini..She keeps on calling..Very lososoosooo...I'm also having my college that time...So I don't care..With Shuang Hor,we already sent an email,just notification is unnecessaryyy..and rini,not a big customer,so I didn't pick up the phone either..Next time don't give me your damn phone!!!!IIIHHHHH...
Boiling up plus fire uppppp..
and now another thing happen againnnnn!!!!


I opened up m face book this morning..
I found his face book status..
he wrote something like its gonna be a busy day today..fighting...
den my dai ko commented and there was this girl..
her name was......initial fann...
they commented each other with words i don't understand..
it was like a Korean language or what..
I went stress reading those stuffs..
I cudnt understand,,
and this girl has been commenting on his face book often maybe..
haaihh..
(Singing 'U drive me crazyyyyy")
Nutss...
I was likeee,my mood was totally down..
Den I started chatting with this old fren of mine,..
She is the first best friend of min..She understands me a lot..
=)
After chatting with her...
I felt that I don't really care about the Korean thing..
It was not really important..


nothing in mind already..


=(
mwah..
secylia.c.tan.

Orientation alias Ospek

This Ospek happened last Sunday 25 July 2010..
honestly I hate that day..
Flashing back..


I woke up at 4 plus..
To prepare everything..
Haih..
No sunblock applied coz I was thinking it might be a good weather..
It turn out to be that it was a damnly hot weather..
We started submitting the things we were suppose to bring..
It lighten our bag a lil..
Then we set off to bus number 38..
with the green team..
I forgot to say..We are the BLUES..
we all have the same tshirt..
with names on it.
=)


Next the journey was like half an hour...
Everybody was practicing the song,the cheers..
there were even a song for Gici..
It was not a nice song really..
ahahha..


we arrive half an hour later..
sitting on the floor..
it was an open court..
then writing our names on the INDOMIE board..
hanging over our neck with black ropes..
And I saw him..Yes,we were a bit embarrassed..ahhaha..


We then sett of climbing mountains..
Oh no..Tired like hell..
One of us fainted halfway..
Another one the other way..
=(
so sad..
we were the forth group..
So we have to pass the first second and third..
We have to greet them in a funny way..
It was a lil bit difficult..
but we still manage..
So we arrive on our post,high up there..
So far far away..
Hahhah..
We reach..
And look for a straw..The leader will be the one to pick up with his mouth..
I forgot.we even need to sing some songs which we get to learn in the bus while ago..
Until they are satisfied..Haih..
=(


Next..the instruction is to tied up all our feet together and yell MOOOO on our way to the DESSERT..
alright..we did..it was hard for us to walk all the way with the rope stuck on our feet..
by the time we almost reach..the seniors were there under a some kind like bus stop..
where they don't get hot..
hmmm...
they were saying that we weren't wet cos we pass a different route..not like some of the other groups did..
so we take off our shoes..hang over our neck and went inside the mud pool..yikes..
i hate it...
half of the body was wet and sucks..
=p


Next we were like walking with naked feet to our destination..THE DESSERT..
it was near..then bring out the noodles..and eggs..and the guys were looking fr some wood which can be burnt later for fire..
The weather was extremely hot..and in-expectable the time is only 10.45 A.M
Holy shit!!!Our skins were burning like hell..
but still we have to bear with it..
hmmm..i donoe how long it takes for us to cook the noodles..
but we weren't the first one to finish the food..
ahhaha..then..i donoe what else we do..
Like playing with a bamboo stick..
Then sliding down the ball with water..and making them out again..
We were the third winner in that..
There is also the one two three game..Like children..ahahha
Hmm..But the weather real sucks..My skin is burning..
Crazy...=p
We were almost done..
Gathering in the middle..
then my cousin had a gastric pain..
So I sent her to the P3K..


Ah ya..We won the most compact group after all..
But out cheers didn't came out well..
hahaha..
But at least we had the same clothes..
Hmmm..
yay..We took pictures afterwards..And set off through climbing the hills again...
My cousin sat on the motorcycle..
hihihi..
It was not that long like we expected..
Still,when we were on the bus on our way home to Gici,my skin is still burning..
Haih..


Yeah..by the time we reach..My cousin's boyfriend is already there waiting..
hmm...
Again,we talked..Me n Mr.48..
I said that he was tuning black..
He was saying that he was tired and wants to sleep..
I asked him if we could get home already..
He said he was just putting his bag..
Then when Im about to leave,we talked again..
I told him that we cud get home already,get our stuffs and go home..And I asked him if he has anything there to be taken..He said no..And I said that he cud go home already..he said Ohh..And we said bye...hhihihi..So happy am I...Even hough Im burning..
=p


So..we went home..resting and bath..and else..
And taken a holidae for Monday..
We were too tired to go to work..
=p


=)
mwah..
secylia.c.tan.

Totally Vexed

HEY!!


Its been a week since I lasted posted something...
As I have nothing in mind for the past few days..
Hmm...


Last Sunday, I went to Gici Uni for some sort of program..
They ask us to gather for this coming 25 July for Ospek..
Where is actually orientation for new comers..
I was in the first session, with my cousin..
One of my friend was there too..
Its not a smooth one rather..
Cos I dislike an Indonesian girl who has been controlling the group..
She is not even the leader but she acted like one..
The leader and the assistant were even nicer..


Will ya please shut up..I hated her so much..
But I have to bear with it, cos she was in the same group of mine..
Haih..Hopeless..
She only knows how to control this and that where in fact it isnt her job at all..


Next thing is..
I saw someone's car..
Its him..
Im not mistaken,,
I was out for the first session..
second session starts at 3..
he was there..
and just by accident I saw the piggy TV that I gave him..
It was a gift flom Singapore...
Yep..Its Mr.48..
hmmm..
I never try to think why he was still hanging that pig I gave him..
but Im glad after all..
At least he thinks of me whenever he see that stuff..
ahhaha..
all right..


He passes by and he doesn't take a glance at me..
Is it on purpose or he actually didn't see..
Idk..
I asked him yesterdae..
Since it was his first day at work..
I support him and encourage him..
I texted..And ask aboud yesterdae matter..
He said he really didn't see me..
Not pretending not to see me..
At least you know Im glad that he still treat me as his friend..
not like a total stranger or enemy rather..
that would be enough already..
I get to spend some short sweet memories with him..
=)
Im glad..I really do..


Time to dismiss..
Pack up and leave..


=)
mwah..
secylia.c.tan.

Being Stupid

Its another day of working..
Yup,Its Tuesday..
Sleepy in the office..
Gonna doze off soon in front of the computer..


My mood is ruined early in the morning..
Arrgg...Vexed up again and again..


I found that the pic that I and my some other working partners took in Singapore was post in FB already..
I tagged my self and make it my profile picture..
The first one to like was Mr.Lee..
Then we chatted in the FB chat..
Alryt,why did I chatted him..?


It was because last night he suddenly texted me..
He ask me what happen between me and Mr.Xu..
I told him what happen..
Cos some of them said things aboud me in FB..
Its the fren of mine and cousin of mine..
Nuts..


There is this word that encourages me..
He was the first one to say that everything was never my fault...
cause I have the right to reject someone,to avoid someone..
Now who the hell is wooing u?..He is the one..
so u did no mistake..
And many things he said that at least make me a lot happier..
^^
We stop texting cos he was doing some work of his..


By then suddenly he replied saying dat what happened in FB was not totally talking aboud me..
they are just talking aboud others..
Almost the same situation like me of course..
Dat means dat he went and find out the truth dat it isn't me that they are talking aboud.
So glad to know he actually done that for me..
And so we texted thoroughly..
Just like before when we were a couple..


But by early in the morning..
The FB chat thing..
Alright,he likes my pic as I had mention above..
Then we chatted..
Then he ask me where did I took it?..
When did I go there?..
I told him..It was flom Indosat..
And at the same time..He told me that Eve's mum were also invited..
In am moment fired up..
Arrgghhh..
I told him that it was none of my business..next time don't tell me..
he said alright..
and wanna go off alreadie..
i continue saying,
btw next time if there is anything that has to do with ur gurl,there is no need to tell me..
then he answer me, that is not yet my girl..
i told him dat the sooner the better so that u wont have to tell things aboud her to me..
he replied, so u mean if she became my girl, then im allowed to say it infront of u..?
I dun get what he reallie mean actually..


Hmm..
really fired up in a moment..
forget it..
It has always been like that anyway..
Im used to being fooled..
=.="


=((
mwah..
secylia.c.tan.

LA VENSA PHOTO SESSION

This are some of the pictures that I took three months ago..

Where I totally remember when it was..

Cos something happen on dat day..

And it didnt get any better..

Dun feel like mentioning it..

Hmm..

=)

mwah..

secylia.c.tan.

Sickly Monday

As everybody hates Mondae..

me too..
First day of the week..

Gosh..I had lots of things to do todae..

From the monthly report that I have to submit..

OT of the employees..

And else..

Intend to bring home all my work and finish them at home..

Hope I can finish soon..

Submitted on 15 this month..

Hmm..

I have been missing for only two days..

And I cant stand it..

I have seen his post..

See how badly he is hurt..

And everyone seems to be standing on his side..

Saying dat he has done nothing wrong..

Alryt..Push all the mistakes to me?..

FINE..IM VERY FINE WITH IT..
Has always been letting other thinks dat its always my fault..

Im doing this not to run away from the reality,not fooling everyone either..

but I just wanted everyone not to be hurt..Is it really wrong to think dat way?

Hmmm...Storming hard on my brain..

But it seems dat nobody understand..

Everybody tot that I was trying to hurt him..To hurt them rather..

WHY AND WHY??Always saying dat he has done nothing wrong?..

Then Im the one..Who else?..He doesnt deserve this kind of pain?..then me?..

I deserve this..?

Nobody understands..No one ever does..

they only get to listen..

its not their fault anyway..it has always been mine..

isn't it?..

haih..sighing real hard..

how am i suppose to be with another guy when in fact i also have some other one in mind?..

isnt that just killing two birds with one stone?..

hmm..

isnt that just very hurting?..its being totally unfair?..

i never wanna be that way..never did..

dats why i tend to go missing and everyone makes it my fault..

i dun care how many times i have been saying dat everyone think its my fault..

i never get tired of saying those..

cos dats the fact that everyone has been talking aboud..has been concluding aboud..

i dun need anyone to understand me..

not anyone..

im enaf being my self alone like this..it has always been this way..

im tired enaf..im loaded with more than enaf problems recently..

please don add anymore to it..

and i dun need any confront from anybody..

ice cream and chocolate doesnt work this time..

its not enaf to at least calm down my nerves..

haih..

how i wish dat somedae im gonna lot of happy things in my blog..

not frustrating like this..

work busies me..frens accompanying me..

dats a lot better even though they donoe what things im facing ryt now..

as i have said..i dun need anyone to understand..

cos i know nobody can..and nobody will..

=(

mwah..

secylia.c.tan.

Definitely not a Good Day

I'M FREAKING OUT!!!

It was a total disaster of what I damnly experience last night and today as well..

I cudnt stand it anymore..

Going crazy realie..

I decided to gone missing for the next coming days until I settle down..

And cool my nerves..

But it was not that easy as well..

My plan doesnt go right..

Cos the one I was hoping for texted me this morning..

Alright,first step totally ruin..

Im fine with it actually..

Hmmmm..

Lets start with last night..

I had a not very good night..

Even though I got ice cream to cool me down whenever I was unhappy..

It started with a msg..

Actually it happens few days ago when I was totally down..

Cos of my grand pa's condition..

I'm not in a very good mood either...

That guy chatted me..

Maybe I was a lil bit rude but I didn't notice at all..

Yay,he said something like jokes, but I didn't answer in a good way..

And becos of dat,we started a fight..

But by then I told him that I was not in a good mood..

He gets even unhappier..

Saying dat I pour all my "bad mood" on him..

It fired me up a lil..And I told him dat he doesnt even know my problem..

Ok,i never said a word aboud it cos he never ask..

In the end I only told him dat my grand pa got in the hospital..

He never replied and went off..

Arrgggghh..!!!

Then it was yesterdae afternoon he texted me asking me aboud my grand pa's condition..

At last...=)

I was glad of cors..

At least he does care..

hmmm..

everything was fine while we texted..

Den he suddenly didnt reply me,as he was having his college i guess..

ok..anyway he make me a lil bit better..

cos i was totally real mad when we fought..

just like both of us was being hard headache,stubborn,and unreasonable..

And here's the conflict..

He suddenly replied, and asked me what my relation with "S"..

Frens of cors..As I was only treating him that way..

Asking me what have we done..holding hands..

yup,we did...Other than that no more..

Then I dunow who the hell told him dat "S" put his arm around my shoulder..

It did realie happen in SV..I tried to avoid of cors..

After he knew it,he get so worked up..

So angry,so emotional,and so DISSAPOINTED..Hellow???

Who the hell knows what he is up to..???

How am I suppose to randomly answer that question..???

He finally said one thing dat makes everything so clear..JEALOUSY..

My mind was in a total blank..I tot he never cares..

And I answered him,who I am to u?and why do u care?..

u wanna stop me?..FINE..go on..

I have no right to stop..Its up to u..As long as u guys gonna be happy..

Bye n take care..

????????

Den what does he want?..

Cant I have someone to love me?..

Is it a mistake if I want someone to accompany me?..

Facing all this loneliness is not what I ever wanted..

He dun understand..

He said I can,but just don be so open,and also hate girls being dat way..

As long as Im happy..

he is stress and going crazy..

I cudnt undrstand my self in a moment..He is going crazy?

Yup,me too..felt what I felt before..

Next he said dat I finally had my revenge..and also said dat he felt this way before..

when he broke up wif me..And now its the second time..

Bravo!!"I tot we cud have chances,but its gonna be impossible..U guys must be happy.."

When he broke up wif me?..he felt what?..like this?going crazy?

Or is it Im the one going crazy?..Im not ganna be happy..

Cos I dun like that guy and I never will..

Yha,u happy now?..u had ur revenge..Congrats..n u said u dun like him,but u let him hold ur hands and wat so ever..

So u tot I really took revenge?..Im not dat wu liao..And I did avoid him alryt..

Is none of my concern if u wanna take revenge or not..All I know is dat,ur attitudde makes me real mad..Nomore..And the rest,its all ur business..

FINE if everything is our business..Why did u get mad?..Who I am to u?..I tot I was not important..Ryt?..Is it?..

For what did I got angry..Hohoh.Funny..Ur nobody to me..Dun be so proud..Just watch out..

Im not being any proud..I just nedded someone to be there..Needed someone to care..Thats all..

Dats good if you are not being proud..Just wait and see..U alreadie got someone..

Yup,I will wait n see ur revenge..And no one has ever been there..It's ok if u dun understand..

i will not have my revenge on you..U got no mistake and so do I,right?..If u think I am at fault, feel free to tell me..Im ok..

Nope and nothing..Its just being usual..Its just dat we weren't honest enaf..Never wanted to say what we have been feeling..Isn't it?

Yha,its like dat..So what have u been feeling after all this time..?

Loneliness..Has always been waiting..And never accepted anyone..

lonely?But now not anymore right?..Good den..Its up to u now..

Not anymore?..Who was there?..Nobody..4get it..Its my problem anyway..

Yha,its ur problem..And Im nobody to u anymore..U said it just now..So I cant accompany u anymore..

Its not u,but me..Im nobody to u anymore..U just dunow how important u are..

Im gonna vomit soon..u said it just now dat Im nobody to u..I retreat..Its ok..take it as u never knew me..

i never said those..Sorry if u felt that way..Impossible for me to take it as I never knew you..Its fine if u wanna take it that way..4get it..nothing matters..it cant be mended anyway..

I don know anymore..As long as ur happy..u replied with words u never ever said to me before..excellent..u totally change..And I recommend u to not be that cheap..disgraceful..

Yha..Indeed I have change..Im not the girl dat u use to know..there is no way I wud turn back..And next time I wont be that way anymore..

Yup,now u are very different....Esp now u are close with my frens..Luckily Im in other place..If not,I realie donoe how to face all of this..there wud only be quarrel with them..dats the thing dat makes u happy isnt it?..

Nope,Im not happy..Its better for u not to quarrel..I just never knew u have always feel dat way..I tot u never care..

Ist ok..If in case u going back and wanna look for them,do as u please..who ever fetches doesnt matter..Only if they asked me out,Im not gonna join..better than later looking at u with that other who is my fren,I donoe what will happen..Its best not to meet up..

I told u I wont like him..Whoever is it..And I know ou wont believe me..

Not only him..But all..

I know..Whoever is it..I wont..I dun want u to fight with them..

Yha,just relax..If there is u, then there is no me....Understood?

Understood..But I dun wanna be that way..

i realie want us to be together again like before and being infront of them..

Then why not give both of us time to mend?..

I did,but after knowing those info saying that u n him acting dat way..My emotion rises..Its just impossible..

Because I dunoe dat you still care aboud me..Stupid..

Then why did u never ask me?..Cant u not realize from the way I get angry at u?..Stupid..

I only knew it now,,But before,I never knew..I realie dunoe..

Its too late..now my frens wanted to court you,its impossible for us to be together again..Our two years memories will end here..You start ur new life..Im ok with it..

I dun care even its too late..Why is it impossible if after all this time u are the only one I care aboud?..I know it's too late..But Im never gonna start any new life..Not until I forget u..

u alreadie forgotten me..If not,you wudnt act that way..

I havent..and actions means nothing..

Action means nothing?..U know what I am like..And hate u duing thing which I don like..But in the end,u still did it..

Because I tot u dun care..So I dun care either..

Yha,dats the problem..I dunow..Im going to bed..And good night..

Night,and don think too much..

Indeed Im FED UP..I had enaf all of this..

I cant understand whats on his mind..

Its like he is turning back to the guy I use to know..

Everything aboud it..
His attitude,the way he speaks..

OMG!!

Everything just make it seems like a dream..

Den it was this morning he texted me telling me that he is awake..

I dunoe what is he trying to prove..crap or revenge?..

watever..

Only "S" that has been texting me saying that he is awake..

wth?they are exchanging their roles?..

Anyway its watever to them..

He told me he is coming back this 17..

Sud I be happy or what?

Idk either..

huff..

Crazy crazy crazy..

And my work..

Its even worst..

Everything rush rush rush..

I had a very hard time working out all the urgent things todae..

Cos it was not usually done by me..

So I have to call and call and ask and ask..

Damn busy..

Everything urgent,making me unable to finish other assignments on time..

Boss not in either..

Haih..Wanna go home early and rest..

I had a hard time typing this post..

I stop in the halfway then I continue to rush my work..

Then I continue again..lol..

Alright..thats it for todae...

Im tired enaf...

=)

mwah..

secylia.c.tan.